


What (not) to do when over half your group randomly turn into animals.

by SlightlyNerdyTiget



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Can’t be bothered tagging all of Loona, Crack, F/F, Other relationships mentioned - Freeform, Sexual References, a hint of angst, brief nudity, g-idle make an appearance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-13
Updated: 2019-08-13
Packaged: 2020-08-20 16:40:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 16,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20231011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlightlyNerdyTiget/pseuds/SlightlyNerdyTiget
Summary: Haseul wakes up one morning to find that 2/3s of Loona have turned into animals. With the assistance of Sooyoung, Jinsoul and Chaewon, they attempt to look after the animals and turn them human again.





	1. A different kind of wake up call

Haseul had a feeling when she woke up that today was not going to be a good day. Which is exactly why she turned off her alarm and rolled over. 

Not even five minutes later, the short haired girl was awoken by the crying of a cat, accompanied by scratching at the door. 

“Will someone let the damn cat out?” she asked the room, not bothering to open her eyes. 

She heard a grumble followed the pitter patter of bare feet against the wooden floor. 

“Should I let the rabbit out too, Haseul?” came Jinsoul’s sleep-laden, husky, and kind of sexy but Haseul would address that thought another time, voice. 

“Yeah,” Haseul rasped. She heard the door open. The cat chirped in thanks and the half-asleep girl heard the cat, and presumably the rabbit, patter out of the bedroom. The light sounds made by the animals were soon followed the heavier sounds of Jinsoul stomping back into bed. 

Haseul let herself be seduced by sleep. As she was about to drop off and succumb to the darkness, something occurred to her. The weight of realisation hit her like a double decker bus. She sat up in bed so fast that she smacked her forehead against the top bunk and swore loudly. 

“Haseul? What the fuck?” Jinsoul asked sleepily, sitting up in bed and rubbing her blonde head. 

“We don’t have a fucking cat!” she exclaimed. 

Chaewon woke up slowly and gently. She felt something wet on her hand. Something was rhythmically licking her. It was probably just Chuu. She’d never licked anyone before but she didn’t put it past Jiwoo to wake someone up by licking their hand. 

The blonde opened her eyes and found herself gazing into a pair of yellow eyes. The long-lashed eyes blinked. The licking at her hand stopped. Chaewon was face to face with a wolf. It yipped and licked her hand once more. 

Chaewon screamed. 

Sooyoung awoke to a blood-curdling scream. 

“Is it a spider?” she asked groggily. 

“No, it’s a fucking wolf,” Chaewon screamed back. 

“They don’t do spiders that big, stupid,” Sooyoung remarked and turned away from the commotion, hoping to get a few more minutes sleep before Kim Lip or Haseul came knocking at their door, trying to force them awake. 

Her beauty sleep was interrupted by the door bursting open. A furious Haseul stormed into the dorm room and presented the room with a cat. 

“Which one of you fuckers brought a cat home?” she shouted. 

“Why do you assume it was one of us? It was probably Hyunjin, let’s be real,” Sooyoung growled. 

“Hyunjin is a good girl, she wouldn’t do such a thing. There’s a rabbit too and an owl. This whole thing smells of yyxy,” Haseul pointed her finger accusingly around the room. Her eyes settled on the wolf that was currently trying to climb into Chaewon’s bed. “The fuck is that?”

Sooyoung glanced over at the wolf. Chaewon was staring at the wolf with a mix of horror and delight on her face. 

“First of all, it’s a wolf,” the tall girl said dryly, “Secondly, how the fuck is this our fault? I don’t know why there’s a fucking wolf in our room.”

The furry, black cat that Haseul was holding began to wiggle and launched herself out of her hands. The cat ran towards the wolf, walked around it’s legs with a purr and then ran out of the room. 

At that moment, a penguin appeared from nowhere. It waddled towards the leader and slammed itself against her legs, looking like it was trying to hug her leg. 

Sooyoung watched something dawn on Haseul. Her pretty eyes widened and she looked up at the girl in the bed with an open mouth. 

“I think they’re our members. Sooyoung, I think the animals are our members,” she exclaimed. The other girl began to protest but was cut off. “Think about it. Why else would a penguin try to hug someone? Why else would a wolf try to cuddle Chaewon? Why else would a cat let a rabbit sit on its back? Because I saw that!”

“Oh shit, she right,” Chaewon said, her voice muffled by the cuddley wolf. 

Sooyoung panicked, ignoring the little exclamation of ‘language’ from Haseul. She launched herself out of bed and strode into their living room, ignoring the loud, happy chirps of the penguin that followed her. 

An owl flew about the room, collecting stray socks and placing them on the kitchen table. A very big bat hung from the ceiling, dangling off the light bulb. Sooyoung didn’t know that bats could smile. A deer plodded through the living room, heading straight for Haseul. A rabbit hopped about the floor, it’s tiny nose twitching wildly. Jinsoul sat on the couch looking very unbothered. The black cat jumped up onto her lap. The blonde began to stroke the cat, cooing at her and calling her pretty. The kitty puffed out its chest and purred loudly. Jinsoul looked up with a goofy grin and spotted Sooyoung with a penguin at her feet and Haseul with a deer looking up at her expectantly. 

“Sooyoung, Haseul, I think she likes me!” Jinsoul exclaimed. 

“Jinsoul, I think that’s Hyunjin,”

Haseul clutched her chest dramatically, “Where the fuck is Yeojin?”


	2. The Towel Incident

The owl sat on the table in its nest of socks watching the four humans. Chaewon patted the huge wolf that sat with it’s head on her lap while Jinsoul absentmindedly fed bananas to the bat on her shoulder. The three 97 liners stared back at the owl. 

“Do you think she understands us or nah?” Yves asked. 

“Probably not, she’s an owl,” Haseul replied. 

“Let’s find out!” Jinsoul said happily. “Yo, Lippie, do you understand us?”

“Who?” says the owl. 

“I think she understands us,” Jinsoul nods to herself. “What do you think, Yerim?” 

The bat chirped. 

“Yeah that’s probably fluke,” Sooyoung remarked. She turned her attention back to the owl. “Kim Jungeun. If you can understand, blink twice,” she said slowly. 

The owl looked directly at the tall girl and winked. 

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean, Jungeun?” Yves shouted at the owl, which looked very unfazed. The bat, however, squeaked loudly and scrabbled off Jinsoul’s back, digging her claws in a little. The blonde screeched and flapped her arms around. The wolf raised it’s head and gave the group a reproachful look and then rested its head black onto Chaewon’s lap, giving out a sweet huff of contentment. The owl looked less than impressed. Sooyoung sat back down, glaring at the owl. 

“Why don’t you try with Hyejoo?” Haseul suggested thoughtfully. Chaewon shrugged. She took the wolf’s face into her small hands. 

“Hyejoo-ah,” she said softly. The wolf stood up and began to wag it’s tail, yipping softly, looking more like an overly eager puppy than a ferocious beast. “Bark twice if you can understand me. Do you get that? Bark twice if you can understand me.”

The wolf yipped once. The four humans sat in silence, their eyes boring into the grey furred wolf. The wolf’s mouth began to open. All four girls sat on the edge of the seat. Haseul began to smile, Sooyoung raised her eyebrow. The wolf leant forwards, it’s mouth opening further... and then her tongue lolled out. The wolf licked Chaewon’s nose and then sat on her haunches, looking quite smug. 

“Well that makes everything more complicated,” Sooyoung sighed. 

“Speak for yourself,” Haseul laughed, “I can do what I want, wear what I want without judgement. And do you know what I’m going to do? I’m going to take a really long shower.”

“Wow, how rebellious,” Sooyoung drawled. “I’ll call the managers and tell them we’re all too sick.”

“How long do you think they’ll be animals for? What if we have to delay our comeback? And what about Heejin and Chuu? Don’t they have schedules? And our individual fan signs?” Jinsoul fretted, running her hands through her crunchy hair. 

“It’ll be chill,” Chaewon shrugged. 

At that moment, a loud, shrill squeak filled the room. A very small frog hopped along the table, making noise all the way along. It stopped in front of Sooyoung and squeaked even louder. 

“Hey, look, I found Yeojin,” Sooyoung remarked. 

“This is a nightmare,” Jinsoul sighed. The youngest shrugged once more and tickled wolf Hyejoo’s ears. 

“Wouldn’t have happened if you’d have stanned Loona.”

The dorm was peaceful while Haseul left to go and shower. 

Jinsoul and Sooyoung sat on the couch, both playing on their phones. One of them was looking up each of the animals, looking at what to feed them and how they like to live. The other was watching videos of Sunmi. No prizes for guessing which was which. A large wolf was sprawled out on the floor. Chaewon lay with her head on the wolf’s stomach playing mario kart by herself. A black, fluffy cat with a white stomach and white socks lay across the blonde girl’s lap, purring quietly. The little white rabbit with black ears and small spots of black on its back, and a very cute one under its eye that looked a beauty mark, sat on Sooyoung’s knee. Her nose twitched as she looked around the room. The owl still sat in her nest of loose socks. She was preening her light brown feathers. The only sound, other than mario kart, in the room was the occasional squeak from the frog which hopped about the room. The bat was sprawled out across the sofa in between Jinsoul and Sooyoung. 

Suddenly, the bat flew off the sofa and flew across the room to the kitchen table. The owl allowed the bat to sit in her nest, watching with narrowed eyes. Once the bat settled down, the owl began to groom the mammal with its beak. The rabbit on Sooyoung’s lap however, had watched the bat fly with wide eyed and began to shake. Sooyoung tore her eyes away from the goddess that was Sunmi and looked down at the little rabbit. Smiling softly, she tickled the rabbit between its ears and stroked her back until she calmed down. The rabbit turned and buried it’s little head in the human’s stomach with a barely audible squeak. 

“Aw Heekkie. That’s just Choerry, she won’t hurt you. I think. She is pretty big, I don’t know, maybe she does eat rabbits,” Sooyoung mused. The rabbit squawked into the girl’s trousers. Jinsoul looked up with a frown. 

“Stop it, Yves, you’re frightening her,” the blonde whined, “Besides, Yerim is a fruit bat. They are vegetarians. Yerim won’t eat Heejin, don’t worry. It’s this little monster we should be worrying about.” Jinsoul cooed at the cat on her lap. The kitty chirped and leant into the fusses she was receiving. Purring loudly, the smiling cat rubbed her cheek against the blonde girl’s chin. “Aw, you wouldn’t eat Heejin would you? You’re a good kitty. Pretty kitty.” the blonde cooed. The owl eyed the cat and the blonde through narrow eyes. Hyunjin the cat only purred louder and rubbed her cheeks more on Jinsoul, a mischievous glint in her yellow eyes. 

“You guys are so gross,” Chaewon remarked, while lying on top of a wolf that was grooming her forehead. 

Sooyoung was pulled away from pictures of her idol, the one and only Sunmi, once more when she heard the cry of a penguin. The girl looked down at the creature. In it’s mouth, it held a rock. 

“Erm, thanks, Jiwoo,” she said suspiciously and took the rock which was dropped at her feet. The penguin waddled away. A few moments later, she returned with another rock which was placed at Sooyoung’s feet. “Ugh, cheers, I guess.” The tall girl tickled the little penguin’s chest. The little flightless bird stuck its wings out and let out a cute trill. A few moments later she returned with another rock. 

“Dude, I think she’s trying to mate with you,” Jinsoul laughed, watching Jiwoo the penguin bring Sooyoung rocks. The brunette looked at the penguin that was shaking its feathers out and picking at Sooyoung’s legs with its beak. 

“For fucks sake,” the brunette swore and began to ignore the bird that was somehow hugging her legs. 

Eventually, Haseul stalked out of the bathroom, closely followed by a deer. She looked a little grumpy, her towel was wrapped around her, she held it up with one hand. The deer sniffed at the bottom of her towel. 

“Nice shower, Haseul?” Sooyoung asked sarcastically. “You took your time.”

“Yeah, well, I spent half the time trying to get Vivi out of the room. She wasn’t for leaving though,” the short haired girl said wearily, trying to bat the deer away from the hem of her towel. 

All of a sudden, Chaewon stood up. 

“I’m bored. I’m gonna teach myself how to beat box,” she announced. The wolf at her feet stood up and she clambered onto the back of the ginormous beast. “Onwards,” she cried in her teeny tiny voice. The three 97 liners watched in awe as the wolf trotted into yyxy’s room with a girl on its back. The bat followed them into the room. The door closed behind them. 

Haseul sighed, “I was really hoping for some me time, y’know. But I just couldn’t do it with a deer watching,” 

“Oh please, it’s not like Vivi’s never seen you naked before. I bet she’s seen you having ‘alone’ time as well. We all know she’s ‘helped’ you with your ‘alone’ time too, don’t try to deny it,” Sooyoung commented drily. Haseul’s eyes widened. 

“What? I don’t know what you mean! I’ve never,” Haseul coughed and spluttered but her blushing cheeks betrayed the truth. The deer looked almost smug. “Fine. She has. But it’s different when it’s a deer watching you do it.”

Jinsoul giggled, “Vivi wants shower sex,” she sang. Haseul’s blush deepened. 

“Shut up, the kids will hear,” she warned the blonde. Sooyoung smirked. 

“Yeah, the kids are currently animals who don’t seem to understand us so I think we can say whatever the fuck we want,” she laughed. 

“Wow, big mood. Yeet,” Jinsoul nodded. 

“Yeah, just don’t say that,” the brunette shook her head. 

“Well anyway, I’m gonna go and put my orange trousers on while I can,” Haseul announced. 

At the mere mention of the orange trousers, the owl which was sat in the pile of socks snapped it’s eyes open and hooted. It flew across the room, heading straight for Haseul. The short haired woman raised her arms up in self defence, squeaking. As she raised her arms up, the deer by her side took the hem of the towel between her teeth and pulled. The towel dropped to the floor. 

Haseul stood in the living room naked as the day she was born. The owl redirected its route and perched on the arm of the couch. It tilted it’s head and hooted, almost appreciatively. The deer froze in panic. Jinsoul put her hand over Hyunjin kitty’s eyes. Her mouth dropped open. Sooyoung unintentionally raked her eyes over Haseul’s toned body. She didn’t realise she was so hot. 

“Fuck, Haseul,” she breathed out. 

The short haired girl was frozen in place. Her blush only deepened. Sooyoung wiggled in her seat. She saw Jinsoul out of the corner of her eye bite her lip, her pupils were blown. 

The only sound in the room was the sound of all their heavy breathing. A loud pitter patter, the sound of feet slapping against wood, filled the room. 

The penguin stood in front of Haseul, presenting her with a rock.


	3. Towel Incident Number Two

After the, ahem, towel incident, Haseul emerged from her room wearing her orange trousers and a flannel. Unfortunately, Kim Lip the owl retained her impeccable fashion sense and forced Haseul to change by sitting on her head and pooping. 

This eventually led to towel incident number two. 

Grumpily, Haseul returned to the shower, closely followed the deer, the penguin and, if it wasn’t for Jinsoul’s intervention, Sooyoung. Haseul eventually came out of the bathroom looking even grumpier, followed by a sheepish looking deer and a soggy penguin. As she moodily slammed the door behind her, the corner of her towel got stuck in the door. She tugged on it a few times but it wasn’t for budging. 

“Haseul just open the door again,” Sooyoung commanded. The short haired girl growled and tugged at the towel. “For fuck’s sake just open the door.”

“Don’t tell me what to do, Sooyoung! I’m older than you!” she shouted in reply. 

“You’re not though? I’m older,” the tall girl snorted. 

“Well I’ve been a leader for longer than you so...” Haseul replied childishly, tugging furiously on the towel. 

“So what? I’m still older. Maybe you should actually listen to me for once instead of just ignoring everything I say,” Sooyoung said back, her voice getting louder and louder. 

“Ha Sooyoung, most of what you say is just bad puns anyway,” the short haired girl fired back. 

While Haseul and Sooyoung began to bicker, Jinsoul sat on the sofa awkwardly, her eyes darting between the two arguing women. 

Eventually Haseul let go of the towel and marched towards the taller girl, trying to make herself look intimidating. Clearly she hadn’t noticed that she was, once again, fully naked. 

“What do you want, Sooyoung? Do you want me to call you unnie? I bet you’d like that, wouldn’t you?” the short girl snarled. 

“Uh, Haseul?” Jinsoul practically whimpered. 

“Not now Jinsoul,” Haseul growled, her sharp eyes focussed on the oldest of the three. “Seriously, Sooyoung. I saw how you looked at me before,”

“Haseul, um, Haseul,” the blonde piped up once more. 

“Jinsoul, not now,” Haseul raised her voice even more. She strode purposefully towards Sooyoung, “Seriously Sooyoung. I saw how you looked at me, exactly how you’re looking at me right now,”

There was a moment of silence. Haseul stood in front of Sooyoung. The taller girl stood up slowly. They faced off. The air brimmed with tension. A blonde human, a deer and a penguin watched, their eyes flicking between the two women, one fully clothed and one completely naked. 

Suddenly, Haseul launched herself at Sooyoung, who caught her easily. Their lips collided fiercely, the taller of the two quietly groaning into the kiss. Haseul’s arms snaked around the other girl’s neck, one leg around her waist. Sooyoung held the leg wrapped around her by the thigh, she pressed her fingers into the tense muscles. Her other hand was on the small of Haseul’s back, supporting her. Their kiss was so passionate, teeth and tongues clashed. They battled for dominance. Sooyoung didn’t expect to lose against the tiny woman, and yet she found herself being pushed back onto the sofa, a very naked Haseul straddling her waist and putting her all into the kiss. 

Or at least that’s what happened in Sooyoung’s imagination. 

In reality, the two women stared at each other through narrowed eyes until Sooyoung backed down. Her cheeks flushing red, she looked away from short girl. 

“Haseul, I think you should put some clothes on,” she growled and then stalked off into her room, slamming the door behind her. 

The short girl watched the other disappear with widened eyes. She glanced down at her self and squeaked. 

“Jinsoul! Why didn’t you say something?” Haseul whined. The blonde shrugged, her attention focussed on her phone, possibly in an attempt to lessen the blush that covered her face and neck. 

“I did, but you were too busy eyefucking Yves,” she yawned. The blonde sighed, “She was kinda right you know. You do ignore her half the time. Not everything she says is a joke,”

“We weren’t eyefucking,” Haseul murmured sheepishly. Jinsoul raised a blonde eyebrow with a careless smile. “Oh, hush, Jinsoul.”

The short haired girl pulled her towel out of the door and shuffled into her room, closely followed by the deer and the penguin which was dripping water all over the floor.


	4. Of breakdowns and books

The four girls sat lined up on the sofa. The first girl was short with hair that sat above her shoulder. On her knee sat a small frog that ribbited happily. The second girl was visibly taller, even when sitting, than the first. Her blonde hair glistened in the sunlight coming through the window. On her lap, a black and white cat purred loudly, it stomped it’s paws against the girl’s legs and blinked up at her with amber eyes. The blonde was tickling the kitty under its fluffy chin. Beside the second girl sat another taller girl with long legs and long, dark hair. The third girl had a penguin on her lap. The penguin chirped and constantly made noise, leaning backwards and pecking at the collar of the girl’s shirt. The fourth girl was another blonde, this one much smaller than the girl beside her. She was barely visibly, for on her lap perched a wolf. 

After a while, the tall blonde broke the silence. 

“I’m hungry,” she whined. She turned to the girl beside her and said, “Jinsoul is hungry.”

The cat stopped purring immediately, indignantly leaped off the girl’s lap and wondered away. It walked over to the rabbit which was under the table and began to groom it. 

“That’s a point,” Haseul mused, “How are we supposed to feed this lot.” 

“I’ve googled what they eat so we could go and buy some stuff for them,” Jinsoul said seriously. 

“And if all else fails we’ll give them tteokbokki,” Sooyoung said equally as seriously. 

“Yah! You can’t just give human food to animals!” Haseul exclaimed. She sighed, “Right so, how about Jinsoul and I go get food and Sooyoung and Chaewon stay here to keep an eye on the animals.”

Sooyoung frowned, “Mate, you might as well leave me by myself. We all know Chaewon is too wrapped up in Hyejoo to give a shit about the others.”

At the mention of her name, the wolf’s tail perked up and she licked Sooyoung on the forehead. 

“I feel like I should be offended, but she ain’t wrong,” Chaewon piped up. 

“How about I take Chaewon with me to buy food and you two stay here,” the oldest blonde suggested, clapping her hands together happily. 

Sooyoung winced, “I don’t know, maybe...”

“Great, so I’ll go with Chaewon to get food and you two stay here to make sure nobody dies. Sorted,” Jinsoul grinned. “Come on Chaewon, you can bring Hyejoo.”

The small blonde shoved the wolf off her lap and stood up. 

“Erm, shouldn’t you put her on a lead,” Haseul asked tentatively. Chaewon laughed and walked away, the wolf dutifully following her. 

“Don’t worry Haseul, I’ll make her put a scarf on her neck or something so it looks like she is under control,” the tall blonde said comfortingly. “Try not to fuck each other while I’m gone.”

And with that, the blonde disappeared out of the dorm, followed by a shorter blonde and a wolf with a scarf round it’s neck. 

The two girls continued to sit side by side on the sofa. The penguin had abandoned Sooyoung in favour of the owl, who was sat in her nest of stolen socks preening the penguin’s feathers. The frog previously on Haseul’s lap had also abandoned her, and was now sat on the head of the deer, who was chewing the curtains. 

“I feel like we should probably stop Vivi from chewing the curtains,” Sooyoung piped up eventually, breaking the awkward silence. Haseul shrugged. 

“What’s the point? She probably go and chew on something else,” Haseul said moodily. Shocked by the short woman’s unusually defeatist attitude, Sooyoung turned to her with a frown. 

“Jesus, Haseul. You’ve been really grumpy today! What the fuck is wrong with you?” Sooyoung asked. 

The girl beside her sighed and tucked her hair behind her ear. 

“Nothing. I’m fine. I really am,” she said quietly. The tall girl narrowed her eyes and elevated an eyebrow. 

“Yeah, and I’m straight. I’m serious, Haseul. If something’s bothering you, you can tell me, I’m your friend. Is it me? Have I done something?” she asked sincerely. 

“God, not everything is about you, Sooyoung!” Haseul exploded. She frowned at herself and looked down at her lap. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.”

“It’s okay, just tell me what’s up,” the other girl said gently. 

“It’s a number of things. My family issues, the comeback, and, erm, other things. Then this just pushed me over the edge,” she admitted quietly. “What if they never turn back? What if they’re stuck that way forever, following us about, trying to get in the shower with us, eating fucking curtains?”

“Well, nothing new there then,” Sooyoung jokes. The corners of Haseul’s lips twitched upwards. Then a few tears began to drip out of her eyes. “Oh no, don’t cry!” the older of the two cried out and immediately wrapped her arms around the other girl. Haseul buried her head into Sooyoung’s collarbone and quietly cried on her while the other girl tenderly stroked her hair and rubbed her back, making soothing noises. 

“I’m just so fucking worried. It’s so tiring,” Haseul muttered, her words muffled by Sooyoung’s collarbone. 

“Hey, worrying about 11 other people, as well as yourself and your family is always going to be exhausting. But you somehow manage to make being a leader look easy. I was so jealous of well you lead 1/3 when I debuted. Although to be honest, I think your girls are a little less chaotic than my girls,” Sooyoung laughed. 

“Yyxy is a nightmare,” Haseul sobbed. “My girls are angels. Except maybe Hyunjin, she’s a bit weird.”

Sooyoung smiled, “What I’m trying to say is, it’s not your job to worry about us. That’s our managers’ job. Seriously though, I’m here if you want to talk about it.”

Haseul continued to cry gently into Sooyoung’s collarbone for a short while. The bunny appeared and decided to sit on Haseul’s foot. She decided that it was because Heejin couldn’t jump onto the sofa to comfort her so sat on her foot instead. Or maybe she just had soft slippers on. 

After a short while, Haseul calmed down. Although she had almost stopped crying, she didn’t move away from Sooyoung, instead she shuffled closer and put her around her waist, enjoying the feeling of the other girl’s strong arms around her. 

Haseul broke the silence. 

“I’m also really, really horny,” she admitted tearily. Sooyoung began to laugh. 

“Wait, is the tears and trauma are all because you’re horny?”

Sooyoung felt Haseul nod against her chest. She laughed again. 

“Why are you laughing? I’m serious! I haven’t had sex or even had the chance to, y’know, get myself off in months! I’m so sexually frustrated I think I might explode!” Haseul announced dramatically, pulling away from Sooyoung, who laughed even more. 

“Hey, I get it. Remember how I was super grumpy and irritable before I filmed my reality show?” Sooyoung asked. 

“And then you came back really cheerful and happy?” Haseul asked in reply. The implication dawned on her. “Wait, I thought you were just happy because of the grandmas!”

“Yeah, I loved my granny, she’s a legend. But that wasn’t why I was happy. Seriously Haseul, you just need a really good wank and you’ll be right as rain in no time!” Sooyoung winked. 

“Who was it? Soobin? Yoojung? Yuqi? OnE Of tHe GrAnNyS?”

Sooyoung laughed even louder, “I didn’t shag a granny Haseul, calm down.” She shook her head and sighed, her hand still stroking Haseul’s soft hair. “You know, we’ve got a while before the others come back. If you want to take the opportunity to have some alone time, I don’t mind. I can keep an eye on this lot.”

“Seriously? You’d let me do that?” 

“I don’t joke about this sort of thing, Haseul. Masturbation is a serious matter!”

Haseul smiled shyly and removed the rabbit from her foot before she stood up. She began to shuffle to her room, then turned around. 

“Hey, Sooyoung... how long do you think we can leave this lot alone before they destroy something?” Haseul asked shyly. 

The slightly older girl shrugged, “Probably about 15 minutes, I’d guess. Half an hour tops.”

Haseul quietly raked her eyes over the other girl. 

“Sooyoung-ah... do you want to help?”

“Fuck yes,” the tall girl growled, leaping up of the couch. She stalked up to Haseul, swept her off her feet and carried her into the currently empty room belonging to yyxy. The door swung shut. The room was filled with the sound of the slamming door, followed by the clicking of the lock. 

Meanwhile, Chaewon and Jinsoul shopped for pet food. The blonde duo had walked to the nearest supermarket, which was thankfully quite close, tied Hyejoo to a post outside with a scarf (it was a good job she obeyed Chaewon’s every word), and walked into the store. Both of the girls wore face masks, baseball caps and sunglasses to hide their identity. Neither were in the mood for an impromptu fan sign. 

Jinsoul pulled a crumpled up piece of paper from her pocket with a list on it. Chaewon glanced at the paper and smirked. 

“Why did you write the shopping list on the back of a receipt for a book called ‘how to confidently attract women: the seduction of women by women for dummies’?” the small blonde asked innocently. Jinsoul frowned and scratched the back of her head. 

“I dunno, I didn’t know it was a receipt, I just picked it up and hoped for the best,” she replied. Chaewon giggled. 

“This is amazing, we have to find out who bought the book. Jinsoul, we have to make a detour to the bookshop and find out the truth,” she announced. Jinsoul smiled in reply. 

“I can’t wait. But firstly, the first item on the list is dog food,”

“What? But we don’t have a dog!”

“A wolf and a dog are basically the same thing,” Jinsoul rolled her eyes. Chaewon rolled hers harder. 

“Unnie. My Hyejoo is not eating dog food like a common mutt, only the highest quality meat for my Hyejoo,” Chaewon declared snootily. 

“I’ve seen Hyejoo eat week old food off the floor. As long as we feed her, I don’t think she’ll care. Besides, we don’t have that sort of money,” Jinsoul explained. Chaewon narrowed her eyes, but conceded. 

The girls soon left the store with bags full of various pet foods. On their way out, they collected their wolf and made their way to the old bookstore nearby, tying up the wild outside of the store. 

The owner of the bookstore looked up from the desk, excited to see some customers. With a charming, if a bit forced, smile, she asked how she could help them. The blonde duo showed the owner the receipt and asked where they could find the book. The owner smiled gracefully. 

“Ah yes, I got those books on offer with some other books. I only got a few copies. The last was sold a few days ago,” she said, her age showing in the crackling of her voice. The blonde duo glanced at the receipt, the dates matched up. 

“Do you have the details of the person who bought it? We really need to see the book for a school project and this is the only place we’ve seen it before?” Jinsoul whined. The owner frowned. 

“It must be a strange project,” she mumbled, “And I don’t have the woman’s details, no.”

“Well, could you at least describe what she looks like?” Chaewon asked cutely, no old lady could resist her charms, “Please, it might be someone from our class.”

The old lady paused in thought, then began to speak, “Well, she was quite short, definitely Korean. Had on a cap and a face mask. Her hair was brown, not a dark brown though, and was not short.”

“Seems like Lippie or Jiwoo,” Jinsoul whispered to her blonde buddy. 

Chaewon asked suddenly, “Did she dress like a lesbian?”

The owner was taken aback. 

“I don’t know what you mean,”

“Did she wear cute dresses or frilly blouses in pretty pastel colours, or did. she. dress. like. a. lesbian?” Chaewon asked slowly. 

“Well, she wasn’t wearing a dress. She was wearing shorts and some kind of blazer,” 

“We have all the information we need, thank you,” Chaewon smirked and dragged Jinsoul out of the bookstore. 

“I can’t wait to tease Lippie about this, this is hilarious,” Jinsoul laughed. 

“We have to tell Sooyoung. She’ll wee herself.”

“We’re back, bitches,” Chaewon yelled in her soft, tiny voice as she and Jinsoul. 

“Where the fuck are they?” Jinsoul asked as she slammed their shopping bags on the kitchen table, shocking the penguin and the owl in the nest of socks. Jungeun squawked in protest. Jinsoul only smirked at the poor owl. 

The cat leapt onto the table, holding the rabbit in her mouth, and headed straight for Jinsoul. She plopped the rabbit down and mewed. The rabbit hopped about in confusion for a bit, but soon hopped over to the penguin and settled beside her, her head buried into the penguin’s side. 

“Hello, Hyunjinnie! Guess where we’re been!” Jinsoul cooed, tickling the kitty’s fluffy cheeks. 

“Aeong,” said Hyunjin. 

“That’s right! We’ve been to the store to get some food! We got you some tasty wasty kitty food! Yay!” the tall blonde declared in her aegyo voice. 

“Aeong!” Hyunjin replied excitedly, purring into Jinsoul’s hands. 

“You are disgusting,” Chaewon announced. 

“Incorrect, I am adorable,” Jinsoul retorted, still stroking the kitty. 

The small blonde rolled her eyes and picked the rabbit off the table. She plonked herself down on the sofa and tickled the rabbit behind it’s ears. Jinsoul had never seen a rabbit look so content. 

“Yo, Hasoo! Jo Haseul!” Jinsoul shouted. The owl lazily opened its eyes and stared at Jinsoul as if she had just murdered her family. “Ya, don’t look at me like that, I know about the book,” Jinsoul told the owl smugly. 

Sooyoung appeared from her room with ruffled hair, she was doing up the top button in her shirt. Jinsoul wondered if she knew that her buttons were done up wrong. They certainly weren’t before. Her expression was unbearably smug. 

“You guys were quicker than I expected,” Sooyoung said, she sounded a little breathless. 

Haseul followed a few moments later, also emerging from Sooyoung’s room. She was smoothing down her hair, tucking her short locks behind her ear. The flannel she previously wore was now wrapped around her waist, putting her toned stomach on show. The crop top she wore looked as though it had been hastily shoved on. The flush on her cheeks spread onto her chest and neck. 

“Hey, Haseul, your fly’s down,” Jinsoul pointed out. The youngest of the 97s turned even redder and zipped up her zipper. 

Jinsoul sighed and pinched her eyebrows. She spotted the frog hopping about the table, carefully picked her up and placed her in front of her, and then covered the frog’s ears. 

“When I told you guys not to fuck, I didn’t think you’d actually do it,” the blonde declared with a frown. 

“Yeah, well, Haseul had a lot tension and stress that she needed help taking care of,” Sooyoung shrugged. The short haired girl smiled dreamily, her eyes were still a little glassy and unfocused. 

“I’ve certainly been taken care of, that’s for sure,” Haseul announced. She turned to the taller girl with a flirtatious smirk, “I owe you one.”

Sooyoung actually had the audacity to giggle. Jinsoul went :o

“You guys are actually disgusting,” Chaewon declared from the couch, a rabbit on her lap and a cat curled up on her feet. 

“Like we’re any worse than you and Hyejoo,” Sooyoung scoffed. Chaewon turned red. 

“Unnie! I told you! We’re not dating! We haven’t even kissed!” Chaewon wined back at the 97 liners. Sooyoung smirked teasingly. 

“Chaewon and Hyejoo sitting in a tree,” she began to sing childishly. The rest of the girls joined in to finish the song. 

The small blonde huffed and crossed her arms, her cheeks bright red. “Imma get Olivia to loosen the screws on the bunk bed. Then we’ll see who’s laughing,” she murmured to herself. 

“Erm, guys, where is Hyejoo?” Haseul asked nervously. 

Jinsoul’s eyes widened, her mouth dropped open. Chaewon gently removed the rabbit from her lap and the cat from her feet. She stood to her feet with a loud gasp. 

“The bookstore!” they shouted at the same time and simultaneously rushed out of the dorm. 

The dorm was left silent, save for the frog’s shrieking. 

Sooyoung and Haseul locked eyes. 

“So... ugh...” Sooyoung began awkwardly, her fingers fiddling with the bottom of her shirt. 

“Want me to return the favour?” Haseul asked quickly. 

Sooyoung smirked in reply. The short girl bit her lip in response and lifted up the taller girl into a princess carry. 

“Wow, Haseul, I didn’t know you were so strong,” she commented, her cheeks dusted with red. 

“Oh, honey, I think you’re in for a surprise,” she winked in response and princess carried the slightly older girl into her own room. The door slammed behind them, the lock clicked. 

Meanwhile, Hyejoo sat quietly outside of the bookstore. She saw a van stop outside the shop. The door opened and a couple of pretty women walked inside the store. While the door was left open, Hyejoo the wolf got to her feet and trotted towards the van, leaping inside. The women returned, the door shut and the van drove off with the wolf inside.


	5. Feeding time at the zoo

Some time later, Jinsoul and Chaewon returned to the dorm with a wolf by their side. The wolf wore a pink bow on it’s head and had a pink ribbon tied around its neck. The ugly scarf the blonde duo took her out in was nowhere to be seen. The wolf yipped and wagged it’s tail excitedly. It bounced off to greet Sooyoung, who was sprawled out on the couch, and then bounded off to play with the bat. 

Haseul and Sooyoung were sprawled out on the sofa. Haseul had a cat sat on her chest while Sooyoung had a frog on her face. They both were red in the face and looking a little hazy. Although their clothes were actually put on properly this time around, their hair was stuck up all over the place. 

“So you won’t believe what happened,” Jinsoul began. “We took the bus to the bookstore where we left Hyejoo only to find out that she had disappeared. So, we went into the book store and asked the owner about who took the wolf. She was quite difficult to get information from, but we managed. Anyway, we found out that she got in a van that belonged to an idol group and they drove off with her in it. The owner had taken their license plate, don’t ask, so we tracked down the license plate, again don’t ask, and got to their dorm. Turned out it was non other than g-idle’s van!”

“Wait, g-idle as in Cube’s, rookie of the year, g-idle?” Haseul asked. “How did you manage to get Hyejoo back?”

“It turned out that we had something they wanted,” Jinsoul said conspiratorially, “A book. And to cut the story short, we agreed to trade Hyejoo for book, g-idle are coming later to pick it up and I think I might have a date?”

The blonde frowned and glanced at the tall girl sprawled out on the couch. “Is Sooyoung alright? She didn’t even make the obvious joke about me being able to read when I mentioned the bookstore!”

“Am okay,” the girl in question slurred. Haseul smirked. 

“Give her a few minutes, she’ll be fine. I think I wore her out a little,” she said smugly. Jinsoul recoiled in disgust. Chaewon snarled. 

“Oh my god did you fuck on the couch? We eat on the couch!” she exclaimed disgustedly. 

“Nah,” Haseul shook her head. “We fucked on Jinsoul’s bed.”

The blonde shrugged and sighed, “Thats probably the most action it’s seen in an embarrassingly long time. Did you at least change the sheets?”

“They’re in the washer as we speak,” the short haired girl replied, putting Jinsoul’s mind at ease. “Sooyoung here made quite a mess.”

The girl in question babbled in protest, clearly still too tired to even speak properly. 

“I’m not listening anymore!” Chaewon put her hands over her ears and stalked into her room. 

The blonde cracked her neck and walked over to the bag of pet food that the cat was sniffing at. She raised her tail and meowed upon seeing Jinsoul. The blonde began to pull the food out of the bag and placed them down on the table. Haseul stood up, albeit a little stiffly, and walked over to the table. 

“So walk me through what we’ve got,” 

Jinsoul grinned, “Alright. There’s rabbit food, cat food, dog food, crickets, for Yeojinnie, bird food, since the super market didn’t sell live mice for Lippie. And some fruit.”

“And what are the branches for,” Haseul questioned, pulling many leafy branches out of the plastic bag. 

“Well, they’re for Vivi of course,” Jinsoul said brightly. 

“Jinsoul, I don’t think-“ Haseul began, but was cut off by the deer appearing from nowhere and beginning to eat the leaves from the branch Haseul was holding out. “Oh. Never mind then.”

“What about Jiwoo?” Sooyoung asked, waddling over to the table, her voice tired but no longer slurred. “What did you get for Jiwoo?”

The blonde froze and looked at the two other women staring at her. She smiled sheepishly. 

“Oh my godJihyo. Did you forget Jiwoo? How could you forget Jiwoo! She’s been trying to mate with all three of us all day!” Haseul exclaimed. Sooyoung shrugged. 

“Just give her tteokbokki, she’ll be fine,” said Sooyoung dismissively. Haseul grimaced. 

“You can’t just give a penguin human food!”

“Jiwoo likes tteokbokki,”

“Sooyoung does have a point there,” Jinsoul mused. “Or we could give her the leftover fish cake soup from last night,”

Both of the other girl’s froze and frowned. 

“What fishcake soup?” the oldest asked quietly. Jinsoul furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. “Jinsoul, when did we get fishcake soup?”

The blonde frowned as if her memory was fuzzy, “After you guys went to bed the kids ordered some food to the dorm, tteokbokki. Kim Lip made some fish cake soup to go with it. She wouldn’t let anyone help her with it and kept the recipe she was using secret. It smelt funky.”

“Who ate the fishcake soup?” Haseul asked slowly. Jinsoul’s frown deepened. 

“Erm, everyone but us three and Chaewon. You two were sleeping and I didn’t want to eat at night. And Hyejoo made them eat in the kitchen, because obviously Chaewon is banned from the kitchen, because Chaewon had beaten her at mario kart and she was being petty,” Jinsoul said. 

There was silence in the room. 

“Do you think the fishcake soup is the reason they turned into animals?” Sooyoung asked slowly. 

“Perhaps. But why was Jungeun awake? And why would she make a soup that turns people, including herself, into animals,” Haseul pondered. Jinsoul shrugged. 

“Jungeun was being a bit weird yesterday, she was reading in bed for most of the day and left in the evening. Jiwoo said she'd gone to do some photocopying,” Sooyoung mused. 

“Yeah, when the kids said they wanted food, she jumped at the chance to make soup. Had to practically chuck Yeojin out of the kitchen to stop her from helping,” Jinsoul chuckled. 

All three of the girls turned and looked at the owl that sat in her nest of socks. 

“Kim Jungeun. What the fuck did you do?” Sooyoung snarled. 

The owl hooted. 

The feeding process took longer than expected. 

Feeding Vivi was (relatively) easy. All Haseul did was hold out the branches and watch as her teammate went to town on the leaves. 

Chaewon insisted on spoon feeding Hyejoo. Haseul tried to explain how she once saw Hyejoo eat noodles with her hands straight from the pan so she would have minimal dishes to wash, but the blonde felt so guilty for leaving Hyejoo that she wouldn’t listen. Instead she sat on the floor with the wolf in front of her and fed the wolf from the tin of dog food. Hyejoo yipped and barked, her tail wagging. She still wore the pink ribbon and the pink bow. 

While the two tiny girls had their hands full, the taller pair were left to feed the rest of the animals. 

Jinsoul put the rabbit food and the cat food on two separate plates and set it down in front of the respective animals. Heejin the rabbit began to nibble away at the food, a mix of feeding hay and vegetable chunks. Hyunjin eyed the dried pellets set in front of her and meowed in disdain. 

Meanwhile, Sooyoung took the mysterious fishcake soup out of the fridge and fished out the fishcakes. She carefullly cut up the fishcakes, picking out the chunks of fish, and placed the fish down on a plate and set it in front of Jiwoo. 

While Jinsoul tried to get Hyunjin to eat her food, Sooyoung prepped the fruit for the fruit bat. Yerim tried to pick up the pieces with her long creepy fingers, i.e her wings, but struggled without the added help of opposable thumbs. 

“Yo, guys. I think we’re gonna need to feed Yerim by hand,” Sooyoung said. 

“I’ll do it!” Jinsoul volunteered enthusiastically, “But what about Hyunjin? She won’t eat,” 

“Then she’ll have to starve,” the brunette said callously. As soon as Jinsoul stopped trying to get Hyunjin to eat, she tucked into her meal. Of course. 

The blonde began to hand feed Yerim, and film her because she was so fucking cute. 

Sooyoung sorted out the owl’s food by pouring some bird feed into a bowl and shoving it in front of the owl. The owl blinked at Sooyoung and hooted. 

“Yeah well, you either eat that shit or starve,” the tall girl sighed. Eventually the owl began to peck at the food. 

That left Yeojin to feed. Haseul was finished feeding the deer at that point. She and Sooyoung held a cricket each in front of the little frog, hoping she would eat the bugs so they wouldn’t have to hold them for much longer. Instead the frog hopped madly, squeaking at the pair. She continuously hopped between the owl and the two girls. 

“Something’s clearly bothering her on the table,” Haseul remarked, “Should we move her?”

“Stick her in the sink,” the older girl muttered. They moved the frog to the kitchen sink and chucked several crickets into the sink bowl with her. 

They decided that would do, collected the empty dishes and placed them next to the sink. Couldn’t wash the dishes if the Yeojin was in the sink!

All of a sudden, there was a human squeak and a loud sneeze. Jinsoul stopped feeding the bat, Chaewon stopped hugging the wolf and Sooyoung and Haseul stopped flirting. They turned their heads at the same time. 

In the place of the penguin stood Jiwoo in nothing but her pink, lacy underwear. 

Before anyone could speak, there was a knock on the door. 

“Shit,” Jinsoul swore.


	6. An unexpected visitor

The girls went into panic mode. Sooyoung shoved the fruit bat into Jiwoo’s arms and shoved her into her room. Haseul herded the deer into the yyxy room. Jinsoul attempted to remove the owl from her nest, but the owl shrieked when she felt hands touch her feathers and pecked the blonde. 

“I can’t get her out of the room,” Jinsoul exclaimed, the panic made her usually quite deep voice high pitched and shrill. 

“We already have a wolf, why wouldn’t we have a fucking owl?” Sooyoung growled. There was another, louder knock on the door. 

“What’s happening?” Jiwoo asked, her voice shook and her bottom lip wobbled. 

“Get dressed and stay in there until we’ve finished,” Sooyoung commanded the younger girl. 

“We’ll explain later,” Haseul said softly. As soon as Jiwoo laid eyes on the short haired girl, her eyes widened and her cheeks flushed red. She squeaked and nodded, closing the door behind her. 

Sooyoung nodded at the tall blonde, who opened the door with a smile, she leant against the doorway, probably attempting to look alluring but only succeeded in looking suspicious. 

Stood in the doorway was non other than Jeon Soyeon and Cho Miyeon. 

The shortest (seriously short, but not quite Yeojin short) one of the duo wore a crop top, a pair of ripped jeans, a bomber jacket and a careless smirk. 

The taller looked much more nervous. She wore a summer dress. A beret sat on top her dark hair. 

“Hey, unnie, can we come in?” Soyeon asked. Jinsoul turned red. 

“Ugh, yeah, okay, sure,” the blonde stuttered. Sooyoung and Haseul giggled as they watched Jinsoul nervously check out the short girl as the pair strutted into the dorm. “Just, find a place on the couch,” Jinsoul stuttered nervously. 

“The dorm looks like Shuhua’s room,” Cho Miyeon muttered quietly. 

“That’s not a good thing,” Jeon Soyeon laughed when she saw the Loona girls’ confused faces. 

The short girl confidently introduced herself and the taller girl to the other girls in the room. 

“I’m Yves,” Sooyoung introduced herself, “But you two can call me Sooyoungie,” she finished flirtatiously. 

“I’ve heard a lot about you from Yuqi, Ha Sooyoung,” Jeon Soyeon remarked, raising an eyebrow. 

“All bad I hope,” the tall girl said sleazily. 

“Not at all, actually. Apparently you’re a softie,” Jeon Soyeon replied. 

“Oh really?”

“And I’m Haseul!” the short girl said loudly, interrupting the flirting. 

“So do you have the book?” Cho Miyeon asked shyly. 

“We do! We just need to find it!” Jinsoul announced quickly. 

“I see. How about you come and sit with me, unnie, while the others find the book for Miyeon-unnie,” Jeon Soyeon patted the spot on the sofa next to her. 

Jinsoul shot Sooyoung and Haseul a helpless look and then happily sat next to the pretty girl. Hyejoo the wolf ditched Chaewon and sat in front of the taller g-idle member, wagging her tail. 

“We’ll be back in a moment,” Haseul said gently. She grabbed Sooyoung’s hand, the tall girl grabbed Chaewon by the collar of her shirt, and pulled her into the 1/3/oec dorm room. 

Once the door was closed and locked, Haseul collapsed on her bed, face down on her pillow. There was a muffled noise that came from her. Sooyoung perched on one of the beds while Chaewon leant on one of the stairs of one of the bunk beds. 

Sooyoung sighed angrily and tapped her hand against her knee. 

“Okay, so let me get this straight,” she began. Chaewon chuckled at the word ‘straight’ and was shot a furious look from the pair of older girls. “Kim Lip bought a book, which may or may not have contained a recipe for fishcake soup which turns people into animals. Ours members ate the soup and turned into animals, most of which are trapped in a room with Jiwoo who randomly turned back into a human. Meanwhile you LOST Hyejoo, found her in a different girl group’s dorm and traded her for the book which may or may not contain the fishcake soup recipe and maybe the antidote. And the girls have just shown up and are currently sitting in couch, flirting with Jinsoul. Did I miss anything?”

“That’s pretty much it,” Haseul huffed. 

“You missed the part where you fucked Haseul,” Chaewon deadpanned. 

“Not helping Chaewon,” Sooyoung whispered angrily, trying to keep her voice down so the girls next door couldn’t hear. 

Haseul sat up and stroked her chin, “Let’s find the book, find the recipe, tear the recipe out of the book so it can’t be used again, fucking pray that the antidote is in the book and then give the book to fucking Jeon Soyeon and Cho Miyeon.”

“Where do you think the book is?” Sooyoung asked. 

All three girls turned their head and stared at Kim Lip’s relatively tidy bed (it wasn’t actually that tidy but compared to the bombsite that was their dorm, it was pristine). 

At once, the two older girls launched themselves at the bed and the draws beside them. They rooted through her belongings, throwing things to the floor. Haseul froze. 

“Did you find it?” Sooyoung asked, failing to her hide her excitement. Shaking, Haseul slowly turned around and showed them the item in her hands. A long object in one hand and a leather harness in the other. A strap-on. Sooyoung snickered. 

“I bet she doesn’t wear it, the big-ass bottom,” she giggled. Haseul giggled girlishly. 

“Wanna bet?” she smirked in reply then sighed. “Wish I’d have found this earlier.”

Before the older girl could reply, Chaewon reminded them what they were looking for. 

Eventually, Sooyoung put her hand inside a pillow case and pulled out a book. Jungeun’s diary. Not the one they were looking for, but better than nothing. 

“Check the last entry, it might have tell us where the book is or what the fuck she was doing with it,” Haseul instructed. Sooyoung flicked through the diary, resisting the temptation to read the whole thing, which she would have done had they not been so pressed for time, and found the latest entry. 

Using her finger to aid her, Sooyoung read the entry out loud. She skipped over the first part of the entry, she wasn’t interested in the early part of the day, just the end. 

“Aha, here it is,” Sooyoung announced, then bent back over the book to read it, “Today I finished my book. Everyone was trying to get me to tell them about it yada yada yada. The last page contains recipe for a soup which will make the one you love fall for you. This evening I went out and photocopied the book in case I lose it in this pigsty we call a dorm. I’ve placed it in a safe place, somewhere no one will think to look. The back of the cleaning cabinet.”

“Smart,” Chaewon commented, “No one would look there.”

Sooyoung continued, “As for the book, I must keep it on me at all times. The words in the book contain so much power, in the wrong hands, I worry about what it could do. I also stupidly put my name in the book so can’t deny it’s mine if someone were to attempt to out me. Tonight I will try to make the soup. According to the book it will only work on the person it’s intended for, so I don’t need to worry about the others. If I make the soup for everyone, I will seem less suspicious. I feel guilty about using this method but I’ve used every trick in this book and she remains clueless. I could use the tricks on the other girls but I don’t just want sex. I want her. Haha yeet.”

Haseul actually wiped away a tear. 

“Aw, my baby’s in love!” she cooed. 

“Your baby turned everyone into animals because she couldn’t get that coochie,” Sooyoung deadpanned. “And she didn’t say where she put the book.”

“She didn’t suggest how to turn them back either,” Haseul sighed. Chaewon chuckled suddenly. 

“Isn’t it obvious? What was Jiwoo doing the moment she turned back? Eating the soup. If it turned them into animals...”

“It can turn them back,” the short haired girl gasped. “Sooyoung, it there any soup left?”

“A little, just enough for two full portions, but I reckon we can make it stretch,” the tall girl replied. 

“Great, all we need to do is find the book and then this will all be over,” Haseul sighed. 

“I’m gonna murder that fucking owl,” Sooyoung muttered to herself as they approached the door and swung it open. 

The three girls gasped at the site before them. 

There were now four girls on the sofa, not three. Jiwoo, thankfully fully clothed, had joined the girls. She was cosied up to Cho Miyeon, blatantly flirting, batting her eyelashes. She was feeding the older girl the fish cake soup. 

“Shit,” Sooyoung whispered. 

Jinsoul turned her head and made eye contact with the other girls. Her cheeks were red, but that might have had something to do with the hand on her thigh which belonged to Jeon Soyeon. She mouthed something that looked a little like “I tried to stop her.”

The oldest of the g-idle girls noticed the three Loona girls in the doorway. 

“Did you find the book?” she asked shyly. 

The tallest girl smiled awkwardly, “We forgot that Jungeun doesn’t put things on her bed like a normal person, but we know where the book is.”

“Okay, you’ve just been gone a while,” Miyeon said. 

“It’s okay, unnie, it’s not like we have to be anywhere,” Soyeon said, eyeing up Jinsoul hungrily. The blonde felt her cheeks go redder. 

Haseul laughed loudly and awkwardly. She pushed the other two girls into the kitchen and shut the door. 

“Sooyoung, get the copy from the cleaning cupboard. I’ll check everywhere else. Chaewon, sit down and try not to set anything on fire,” Haseul commanded. The other two girls did as they were told. The blonde twiddled her thumbs awkwardly. She glanced at the owl sat beside her in her nest of socks. 

“You gone done fucked up, bitch,” she told the owl, who hooted in disdain. Sooyoung produced the photocopied version of the book and set it down on the table. 

The owl laid it’s amber eyes on it, squawked loudly and hopped out of it’s nest. It very quickly dragged the photocopy into it’s nest and sat on it. The owl hooted softly and settled down as if nothing had happened. 

“The books in the nest,” Sooyoung g whispered. Her eyes widened and she put her hand over her mouth. “Oh my shit, the book’s in the nest.”

Haseul gasped, “So that’s why Yeojin was going mad at us before, she was trying to tell us about the book.”

“That’s great and all, but Jungeun got out of her nest twice today. Once to come and look at Haseul naked. The other time to shit on her head,” Sooyoung pointed out. “She tried to claw out Jinsoul’s eyes when we tried to move her.”

“Okay, so our options are get Haseul naked and hope Jungeun’s horny. Or, get Jungeun to shit on her head,” Chaewon laughed. 

Haseul started to strip. 

“She’s not fucking shitting on me again,” she cried. “I’d rather she shat on my orange trousers than me.”

At the mention of the orange trousers, the owl snapped to attention and suddenly burst out of it’s nest, flying towards the short girl. Haseul, who was now topless, screeched. The owl chased her about the kitchen. 

Sooyoung took her chance and pounced towards the sock nest. She flung the socks about the kitchen, amazed at how many loose socks there were in the pile. At the very bottom of the nest lay the book. 

“How to confidently attract women: the seduction of women by women for dummies,” Sooyoung read aloud. She snapped up the book, and the photocopy of the book while she was at it, sat down with it in front of her. 

The owl noticed the state of her nest, let out a blood-curdling screech, and then set to work getting the nest back together again. Haseul sat down at the table, panting. Her short hair was ruffled and she was still topless. 

Sooyoung slapped the page. 

“Looks like Jungeun didn’t read the fine print. ‘Do not give the soup to anyone other than the person the soup is intended for for it may have serious adverse side effects. To reverse the side effects, hair of the dog is best. However, 24 hours after ingestion of the soup, the side effects will start to wear off. Warning: the soup will not work if the person you intend it for is already in love with you. Instead, they will also experience the side effects.’ This is great!” Sooyoung shouted, “By tomorrow, everything will be back to normal! We just give those girls the book, send them on the way, go to bed and everything will be normal in the morning!”

“This is amazing!” Haseul exclaimed, “I’m so relieved I could kiss someone!” 

“Don’t look at me,” Chaewon put her hands up. Giddily, Haseul leant over and pressed a quick, sweet kiss onto the oldest girl’s lips. Sooyoung giggled. 

Haseul grabbed the book and burst into the living room. 

“Oh my god, Jinsoul! Keep it in your pants!” Haseul shouted. 

When the other girls followed, they saw Jeon Soyeon straddling Jinsoul’s lap. The pair were aggressively making out with each other. Jiwoo and Miyeon were sat very awkwardly on the other side of the sofa. 

Upon Haseul’s entrance, Jinsoul shyly pulled away and looked past the person in her lap to look at Haseul. Her lips were swollen. 

“No,” she said defiantly and then continued making out with the rapper. 

Cho Miyeon stood up and awkwardly approached the short haired girl, clearly trying not to look at her bra. 

“Are you guys okay? It sounded like you were trying to murder something in there. Did you get the book?” she asked sweetly. 

Haseul smirked triumphantly and handed the shy girl the book she so clearly desired. The g-idle member grinned brightly and held the book to her chest. 

“Word of advice, don’t make the fishcake soup. It’s more trouble than it’s worth,” Haseul said sweetly. Cho Miyeon nodded with an awkward, clueless smile.

The sheepish looking girl turned to her pal that was still aggressively getting off with Jinsoul. 

“Soyeon-ah! We need to go now,” she called out. 

The short haired blonde pulled away from Jinsoul, gave her one last quick peck and then dismounted her. 

Jeon Soyeon walked over to her teammate and smirked. 

“Thank you for giving this to us,” Miyeon began to speak, “You don’t know how much this means to me. If there’s any way I can help you, please let-“

The girl cut herself, opening her mouth in preparation for a sneeze. 

“Achoo!”

The book slammed hard against the floor. Cho Miyeon disappeared and was replaced with a rabbit. The bunny hopped over to Soyeon and looked up at her with sad, black eyes, her nose twitching. 

“Well, it’s nice being taller than her for once,” Soyeon sighed. “Right, what the fuck did you do to my unnie?” she demanded. 

Despite being about two feet tall, Jeon Soyeon was terrifying. Sooyoung and Haseul exchanges fearful glances. Jinsoul simply looked turned on. It is Chaewon who answered. 

“It was the fishcake soup. That shit’s nasty,” she announced. 

Soyeon looked at the small blonde like she was the stupidest creature on earth, and then sneezed. Jeon Soyeon was replaced by a small cat. It had bright yellow eyes and ruffled, brown striped fur. And it didn’t look happy. 

As if things couldn’t get any worse, the door of the yyxy dorm opened and the animals returned to the dorm room. Hyunjin the cat made a beeline for the other cat and immediately began to groom her, the other smaller cat looked unimpressed but let her do it. The new rabbit saw a parade of animals hurtle towards her and turned to hop away. 

“Jinsoul! Grab Miyeon! We can’t lose the non-members!” Haseul shouted. The blonde began to chase the rabbit around the dorm. 

Sooyoung tried to swat away the deer that was trying to eat her shirt while she attempted to catch the bat that was soaring around the dorm. 

The owl screeched and left the nest, probably searching for the book. Haseul snatched up the book before Jungeun the owl could steal it and ran from the angry owl. Heejin the rabbit was terrified, she attempted to scrabble under the sofa to get away from the flying birds/mammals. The wolf decided that it would be a good time to start clawing at Sooyoung’s bed in the yyxy dorm. Chaewon ran after her crying,

“Hyejoo! No! She’s supposed to be in the bed when you break it!”

Meanwhile, Jiwoo sat on the couch, red in the face, her eyes transfixed on Haseul’s chest. 

“Kim Jiwoo you useless lesbian!” Haseul eventually shouted, “Stop staring at my tits and fucking do something!”

The redhead somehow turned redder and stood up. She ‘helped’ by collecting the animals around her. She scooped up Heejin and put the little, shaking rabbit on her lap. From where she was sat, she picked up the two cats and settled the brown tabby on her lap, the black and white cat was content to sit next to the rabbit and focussed on grooming little creature instead. Jiwoo tickled the angry looking brown cat until she began to purr and settled on the girl’s lap. 

Eventually the chaos settled. 

Jinsoul caught the rabbit she was chasing after and sat on the couch, holding the rabbit close to her chest, both to calm it down and prevent it from escaping. The brown cat immediately moved to sit on the blonde’s lap. Sooyoung stopped chasing after the bat and just let the deer chew on her shirt. The bat calmed down and hung from the lightbulb peacefully. The owl got bored of chasing Haseul around the dorm and settled down on the arm of the sofa, content to be next to Jiwoo. 

Haseul collapsed on the floor. 

“Ah fuck, I’m hungry. I don’t think I’ve eaten properly all day,” she sighed dramatically. Sooyoung opened her mouth but was immediately cut off. “You don’t count, Sooyoung. Pussy doesn’t have much of a calorific content.”

“Actually I was gonna ask if you want to grab some food with me after we return these two to g-idle,” Sooyoung asked shyly, gesturing to the rabbit and the small cat on Jinsoul’s lap. 

Haseul looked down in an attempt to hide her blush, “Yeah, I’d like that.”

“Erm, what the fuck? Can we come?” Jiwoo laughed. 

“Of course not,” Haseul answered sweetly. 

“Oh, okey,”


	7. A quick visit to another dorm

Sooyoung and Haseul returned the two animals to the g-idle dorm with little hassle. 

Before leaving, they popped the animals in cardboard boxes with air holes cut in the them and Haseul popped the book into a bag. 

When they knocked on the door to the dorm, they were met by an exhausted looking Yuqi and two yipping puppies. The puppies circled the feet of the strangers, yapping at the boxes. 

“Hey, Yves unnie. Do you know where Soyeon unnie and Miyeon unnie went?” she asked sleepily, rubbing her pretty eyes. 

“I’m sorry, did we just wake you up?” Haseul asked sweetly. 

The Chinese girl chuckled and leant against the doorframe. 

“Just got back from filming a show in China,” she grumbled cutely. “Soojinie unnie said the dorms been quietish for about two hours, so Soyeon unnie must have been gone for about two hours.”

The two Loona girls exchanged an awkward look. 

“So uh, here’s the thing...” Haseul began. 

Another g-idle girl appeared in the doorway, clinging onto Yuqi. 

“I miss Miyeon unnie,” Shuhua whined. 

Another g-idle girl appeared behind her. 

“No you don’t, you’re always saying you hate Miyeon and you’re always pushing her away,” Minnie deadpanned. The maknae whined and clung to the Thai girl. 

“Because I love her!” she announced dramatically, “I just love Soojinie unnie more.”

The final member finally appeared. She was leant against the counter seductively, her arms folded against her chest. 

“I bet they sent you two to tell us that they won’t be coming back until tomorrow,” Soojin said in a soft, quiet voice. “So, come on then, which members of yours are they fucking. I know Soyeon had her eyes on the blonde who came by earlier.”

Yuqi frowned. 

“What blonde that came by earlier?”

“Didn’t we tell you about the doggie we found? It turned out she had a family so Miyeon traded her for a book,” Yeh Shuhua said like it was obvious. 

Yuqi muttered something in Mandarin that made the Taiwanese girl snicker and the Thai girl smile. The lone Korean smiled awkwardly, clearly not particularly happy being the only one who didn’t understand what was going on. 

The two Loona members exchanged another awkward glance and smiled even more awkwardly. The box on Haseul’s arms began to shake. She swore as the lid of the box was shaken off. A cat’s head popped up, peering out of the box. It’s eyes were sharp and curious. As soon as the kitty laid eyes on her group members, she closed her eyes and began to purr. 

The g-idle members cooed as the puppies at Haseul and Sooyoung’s feet yipped excitedly, bouncing up and down. 

The g-idle maknae clasped her hands together and gasped dramatically. 

“Soyeonie unnie!” she exclaimed and held her arms out to the cat, lifting her out of the box. The small tabby happily settled on the girl’s shoulder, curling around her neck, purring obnoxiously loudly. 

“Shushu, sweetie, why the fuck do you think this is our leader?” Soojin asked sweetly. 

“Is it not obvious?” she asked mysteriously. “Ooh is Miyeon unnie in the other box?”

Minnie burst forward and carefully took the box off Sooyoung. She settled it down on the floor and lifted the shaking rabbit from the box. 

“Hi, sweetie! Hi, Miyeonie! You good gal?” she asked the rabbit. The bunny noticed the woman leant over the kitchen counter and scrabbled to get out of Minnie’s arms. The Thai girl set the rabbit on the floor. As soon as she did, the bunny scampered towards Soojin and sat on her feet, looking up at her with soft, loving eyes. Of course, Shuhua immediately moved to take claim of Soojin, clinging onto her arm. The cat on her shoulder scrambled onto the her fellow Korean’s shoulder. Soojin sighed. 

“Okay, what the fuck?” Minnie asked in English. Yuqi swore in a colourful mix of Mandarin and Korean with a sprinkle of English. 

“The fuck did you do to them?” the Chinese girl finally asked, exasperated. 

Haseul thrust the book she brought for them into her harms. 

“Jiwoo, er I mean Chuu, fed them the fishcake soup. It turns people into animals. But the effects wear off in a day. Hopefully. Just read the final page, it’s chill. Maybe,” Haseul burst out. She tapped the cover of the book. “This book is a bitch.”

The two foreign girls glanced down at the book. 

“Can I reject the book and ask for the doggie back?” Minnie asked innocently. “She was so cute and well behaved.”

Haseul pinched the top of her nose and sighed angrily. The awkward smile on Sooyoung’s face became more strained. 

“Firstly, that dog is a wolf. Secondly, the wolf is Olivia Hye, one of our members so no, no backsies,” the short girl said. 

“And thirdly, Olivia is not well behaved, her current mission is to break the bunkbed while I’m in it,” Sooyoung announced. 

Yuqi produced a card out of her pocket, “Uno reverse?”

“Uno reverse back at you,” Haseul produced a matching card from her own pocket. “Just take the fucking book. We don’t want it.”

The Chinese girl hesitantly took the book into her own hands. 

“Could you do us a favour and let us know when those two become human again,” Haseul asked shyly, gesturing to the cat that was purring into Soojin’s neck and the rabbit which Shuhua now held in her arms. 

“Sure, yeah, whatever,” Yuqi answered absently, her eyes focussed on the book. 

“How the fuck are gonna feed those fuckers?” Minnie burst out, staring at her animal members. 

“Just give them tteokbokki, they’ll be fine,” Sooyoung shrugged. 

“Okay, bye! Have fun! Maybe see you next comeback season!” Haseul said loudly and ran off. 

Sooyoung stood alone in the doorway awkwardly, “Er, sorry about the mess. At least you only have two well behaved animals and not eight chaotic beasts.”

The two foreign girls in the doorway returned her awkward smile. 

“Okay bye,” the brunette said and walked off as quickly as she could. 

The taller girl bumped into Haseul as soon as turned the corridor corner. The short girl let out a sigh and leant against the wall. 

“I feel like I’ll to sleep for a week once this is over,” she remarked. Sooyoung smirked softly and took Haseul’s hands into her own. 

“Maybe that can arranged,” she said quietly. “How long has it been since you last visited home?”

Haseul’s cheeks began to turn a little red and she looked down, “The dorm is home now, I guess. You guys are home. Like you can talk, Sooyoung. When did you last go home?”

“I feel like I’m home every time I see you,” the taller girl whispered. Haseul blushed and giggled, tucking her hair behind her ear. 

“You’re so cheesy, Sooyoung. No wonder you have girls falling for you left, right and centre,” the short girl remarked. Sooyoung smirked. 

“Perhaps. But there’s only one girl I’m interested in. Only one girl I want to fall for me,” she revealed sincerely. 

“Oh really?” Haseul raised her eyebrow, suddenly very aware of how close the slightly older girl had come to her. Sooyoung nodded and bit her lip, her eyes flicking downwards. Tenderly, she brushed a stray hair away from Haseul’s face, placed her hand on her cheek and leant forwards (and downwards), capturing Haseul’s lips in a slow, sweet kiss. 

The short haired girl pulled away and laughed. Sooyoung thought her heart might tear in two. 

“Is this just because you saw me naked and I fully blew your mind with my skills. You don’t need to pretend to like me to get me to give you another mind blowing orgasm,” Haseul laughed shortly. Sooyoung shook her head. 

“Honestly, Haseul, I’ve liked you for a while. I always thought you were stunning and that’s why I was so awkward around you. I just assumed you didn’t like me back so I hoped if I ignored the feelings they’d go away. But I like you Haseul and I’m sorry if this ruins our friendship but I can’t-“

Her speech was cut short by lips pressing against hers. Haseul kissed her gently and tenderly as if she had all the time in the world. 

She pulled away and grinned at Sooyoung’s surprised expression. 

“We probably shouldn’t make out in front of g-idle’s dorm in case they or someone else sees,” she chuckled. “I like you too Sooyoung. But if we’re going to do this, I think we should take it slow.”

“Okay, so dinner?”


	8. Human again

Sooyoung and Haseul returned to the dorm late, finding the living room empty. They fell asleep on the couch in each other’s arms. Surprisingly (or not), the taller of the two was the little spoon. The black cat eventually joined them, curling up into Sooyoung’s chest. 

Sooyoung woke up the next morning feeling very warm. There was a weight against her back and a weight against her front. Two pairs of arms circled her waist. Her own arms were holding a warm body. She could feel warm breath on the back of her neck, but there was another face tucked into her neck. 

“I love you, Heejin,” murmured a voice. Sooyoung froze, not daring to open her eyes. 

“Ugh, Haseul?” 

“Sooyoungie?” came a voice from behind her, deep and husky with sleep, and super hot but now was not the time for horniness. 

The face in Sooyoung’s neck moved away. 

The brunette finally dared to open her eyes. She found herself staring face to face with Hyunjin. The girl blinked. 

“Aeong?” Hyunjin said. 

Sooyoung screamed and pushed the other girl off the sofa. Hyunjin fell onto the floor, landing on her front with a loud ‘oof’. 

Haseul groggily sat up, pushing her short hair back. She glanced at the girl on the floor and grinned. 

“Sooyoung! Do you know what this means? They’re all human again!” 

Both girls leapt off the couch, careful to avoid the girl on the floor who had fallen asleep again. 

They whizzed around and took in the surroundings. 

Vivi slept underneath the window, the curtains still in her mouth. In the kitchen they spotted Jungeun sprawled out on the table, her nest of socks beneath her. Yeojin was still in the sink, her butt and half her body was in the sink, her head wasn’t visible, but her legs stuck out and sprawled over the counter. Sooyoung opened the door to the yyxy door. Chaewon lay sleeping cuddled up to a very human Hyejoo. Jiwoo lay in her own bed with Heejin curled up on her pillow. Inside the big bedroom, Jinsoul lay in her own bed with Yerim lying directly on top of her. The blonde couldn’t have been comfortable, she was lying on her front, meaning Jinsoul and Yerim were somehow lying back to back. 

“Oh my god, I’m so happy, I could kiss you!” Haseul exclaimed. 

Sooyoung smiled for a moment then set a serious expression back on her face. 

“Later, Haseul. Right now, we need to have words with our little owl, don’t you think,” she said, her eyes focussed on the girl sleeping in a pile of socks. “I’ll remove Yeojin from the sink, you go and wake up Jinsoul, then we can confront Jungeun.”

Haseul nodded, “On it.”

They did as they said they would, Sooyoung carried their precious maknae out of the sink and placed her gently into her bed. She tucked the youngest in tenderly and kissed her forehead. 

“Aw, mummy,” Jinsoul cooed. She was sat watching, wearing her lemon pajamas. 

“Shut up loser,” the brunette growled. 

“Yeah, Sooyoung doesn’t like being called mummy. Well at least I think she doesn’t. It would be a bit weird if she called me mummy and then I called her it back,” Haseul mused. Jinsoul poured and put her hands over her ears. 

“Too much fucking information,” the blonde cried. 

“Mind your language, Jinsoul. The kids are humans again and they don’t need to hear that kind of language,” Haseul scolded. Sooyoung laughed. 

“I’ve heard more colourful language from Hyejoo than I have from the rest of the group combined,” she announced. 

“Sooyoung! I thought you were on my side now!” Haseul whined. 

“Babe, I’m always on my side. And I was never not on your side! I just don’t see the point in a swearing ban when Hyejoo and Yeojin swear the most out of all of us,” Sooyoung explained. 

Jinsoul stood up and folded her arms. 

“Wait a minute, babe? Where did babe come from?” she asked in disbelief. 

The taller brunette took Haseul’s hand into her own. 

“Haseul and I are dating now. We’re not official or anything, not yet. But we’re dating,” Sooyoung looked down at the short haired girl and smiled softly. 

“Shit, that was fast,” Jinsoul remarked. 

Haseul frowned defensively, “Not really, we’ve fancied each other for ages. Turns out the tension was sexual and when we worked out that, we were able to admit that we like each other.”

Jinsoul scoffed, “Gross. I’m happy for you guys, but Jesus. At least Dispatch won’t be able to reveal your relationship. Just don’t go snogging anywhere public.”

Sooyoung snorted, “Yeah, even if we did, they’d probably just say we are very close friends.”

“Very close,” Haseul growled cheekily, grabbing hold of Sooyoung’s waist. 

Jinsoul shielded her eyes, “Please don’t make out in front of me! Can we just go and see what Jungeun thought she was doing.”

The three 97 liners stood in the kitchen, in front of the table. They looked down at the girl sprawled out on there intimidatingly. Jungeun began to stir. Her eyes slowly opened and she noticed the three girls hovering threateningly over her. She shrieked and rolled off the table, taking a load of socks off the table with her. 

“Jungeun, would you like to take a seat,” Haseul said calmly, threateningly. The clearly still sleepy girl on the floor gulped and scrabbled to sit on a seat. She looked exactly like a guilty puppy. Her eyes flicked between the older girls. Her cheeks turned red when she laid eyes on Haseul. 

“Jungeun, I think you know why we brought you here today,” Jinsoul folded her arms, managing to make herself look frightening. 

“Is this about me teaching Vivi stan twitter speak?” Jungeun asked shyly, clearly avoiding glancing at Haseul. 

“That was you! Damn, I’ve been blaming Chaewon for months,” Haseul gasped. “Vivi once cancelled me after I spilt tea on her.”

“Ooh, do tell. Spill the tea on us,” Jinsoul commented. 

The short haired girl frowned, “No, I literally made her a herbal tea and then spilt it on her.”

There was an awkward silence. 

“So, can I go?” Jungeun asked, inching out of her seat. 

“I don’t think so, young lady,” Haseul scolded, her hands on her hips. The seated girl began to turn red as Haseul loomed closer. 

“Does the name ‘How to confidently attract women: the seduction of women by women for dummies’ ring a bell?” Haseul hissed. Jungeun avoided looking at the short girl. 

“I haven’t a clue what you’re talking. I’m not a dummy that needs help seducing women,” she scoffed. 

There was a loud slamming sound. Sooyoung slammed her hands on the table. 

“If that doesn’t ring a bell? How about fishcake soup? Does that mean something to you, Jungeun?” Sooyoung asked threateningly. 

Jungeun looked the older girl directly in the eye and sneered. 

“Fishcake soup means nothing to me, Sooyoung.”

There was a louder slam, Jinsoul smacked her head against the table, raised her head and grabbed Jungeun by her pajama top. 

“Listen here, you’d better tell us the truth, or else,” Jinsoul growled. Jungeun snickered. 

“Or what? Jinsoul will be mad at me,” she mocked the blonde’s aegyo voice. “Are you gonna spank me for being naughty?”

“Of course not,” Haseul said sweetly, “You’d like that too much.”

“Well what are you going to do then?” the younger girl raised an eyebrow challengingly. 

“We will discuss your punishment and get back to you,” Haseul said and ushered the other two 97 liners out of the room. Once they were out of Jungeun’s earshot, the short girl began to panic. 

“Holy shit, Jungeun is the most stubborn person I’ve ever met ever. How are we going to have a word with her if she won’t even admit what she’s done?” Haseul whispered furiously. 

“Did you guys notice how she wouldn’t look at Haseul? I bet she was picturing her naked,” Jinsoul giggled. 

Before the oldest of the three could scold the blonde, Haseul gasped and grabbed onto Jinsoul’s arm. 

“Oh my god, the towel incidents!” she exclaimed. “I know exactly how to get her to speak.”

At once, the short girl rushed into her dorm room. Sooyoung called after her,

“I think getting naked will make her shut up, not get her to talk.”

Apparently getting naked wasn’t the plan. 

Sooyoung and Jinsoul entered the kitchen first. The older had an intimidating look on her face and danger lurked behind her dark eyes. The blonde was smirking, mischief within the curl of her lips. Jungeun, who was still sat at the table, frowned. Her eyes darted around the room nervously. 

“Um, where’s Haseul gone?” Jungeun asked nervously. 

“To get the tools required to get you to talk,” Sooyoung said ominously, her voice husky and deep. The brunette frowned. 

“You’re not gonna torture me are you? Surely you won’t torture me?” she pleaded. 

“Oh sweetheart, Haseul’s got something worse planned for you,” Jinsoul laughed. 

The short haired girl suddenly popped her head around the kitchen door with a cheery smile on her pretty face. She leant sideways, revealing the black sweater she wore with an obnoxiously large cherry on it. Jungeun began to sweat. 

“The fucking sweater,” she whispered. 

“Oh, hi, Jungeun! How are we doing today? I hope you’re feeling bright!” Haseul said happily. 

The seated brunette whined, “What’s going on?”

“Hey, Jungeun! What’s with the blue face! Orange you glad to see me?” 

Jungeun went pale. The two tall girls went behind the seated girl and held her down in the seat as she began to thrash against them, desperate to cover her eyes. 

Haseul jumped into the doorway. She was finally wearing the thing Jungeun hated more than life itself.

The orange trousers. 

Haseul sauntered towards the brunette. She struck several poses. 

“Do you like my trousers, Jungeun?” she asked innocently. 

The brunette’s eyes widened and a vein pulsed on her forehead. 

“Please, Haseul! Fucking stop! Just fucking take them off! Oh my god, my eyes!” the younger girl cried. 

Haseul turned around and wiggles her orange clad bum. 

“I think the fuck not!” she said in an almost flirtatious tone as she placed a leg on the table, practically thrusting her pelvis towards Jungeun. 

“Jesus, take your fucking pants off, Haseul-unnie,” the brunette whined. 

“Please do,” Sooyoung growled under her breath. 

“Aw, Jungeunnie! Are you trying to get me naked? Tut tut, at least take me out for dinner first!” Haseul grinned. Jungeun shrieked. 

“I’ve already seen you fucking naked. Twice. I just hate your fucking trousers,” Jungeun spat. 

“Ah ha!” cried Haseul triumphantly, “So you remember what happened yesterday!” 

The brunette ground her teeth together in a grimace. She remained silent, but the fear and fury in her eyes spoke louder than words. Haseul approached the silent girl and put her hand on her chin, tenderly tilting her head upwards so that Jungeun was forced to look her in the eye. 

“Jungeun, sweetie, if you explain to us why you thought it would be a good idea to turn the whole dorm into a bunch of animals, I will take my pants off,” Haseul promised. 

“Will you promise to never wear them in my presence again?” Jungeun asked innocently. Haseul nodded with a mother’s smile. The brunette sighed and looked down. “I never meant for this to happen. I didn’t know that it would happen. I didn’t intend to turn myself into a fucking owl. I just wanted her to love me back.”

“Okay, slow down,” Jinsoul said as she took a seat next to the slightly tearful girl and rested her hand on her arm comfortingly. “Let’s start from the beginning. What were you doing with the book?”

Jungeun blushed a little, “Oh that. I guess I hoped to attract more orbits.”

“I’m pretty sure orbits are attracted by your pterodactyl screams and sexy shoulders. You don’t need any seduction advice from a dumb book to make orbits gay,” Sooyoung laughed. “Come on, what’s the real reason.”

“I really did get the book to help us! I thought if we, or I, could attract more female Korean fans then the male fans would follow and we’d get more attention,” Jungeun exclaimed defensively. She leant back against the chair with a defeated huff. “At least, that was a minor reason. I bought it to help with my girl trouble. I’ve been in love with a girl for so long I don’t remember what it’s like to not love her. I thought the book would help me get her to like me back, or at least teach me ways to help get my mind off her, if you catch my drift.”

The other three girls in the room nodded in sympathy. The youngest continued to speak. 

“But she’s so oblivious! Every time I tried a new trick on her, she thought I was just being friendly and a bit more touchey than usual,” Jungeun cried, “Those techniques aren’t friendly in the slightest. They’d work on anyone else, but no, I just had to fall in love with the densest girl in existence.” The brunette ran her hands through her hair frustratedly. “I got fed up of pining after her, I got fed up of my attempts to woo her amounting to nothing so I got desperate. I promised myself I wouldn’t do anything to harm her or force her feelings, but I’ve been in love with her for so fucking long that I just couldn’t take it anymore, and I decided to make the fishcake soup. I photocopied the book in case it went wrong and the book got destroyed or something. The book didn’t say there were any side effects or anything so I just, did it. Impulsively. I really didn’t know we would all turn into animals. It seems like it didn't even work so it was a fucking waste of time anyway.”

There was a silence that enveloped the room as the 97 line absorbed Jungeun’s words. 

“Well, I guess I better take off these bad boys,” Haseul sighed as she began to take off her orange pants. She plonked the on the table and looked at them wistfully. 

“Those are some really bad boys,” Jinsoul nodded. 

The room fell silent again, the girl’s unsure how to react. They knew they should scold Jungeun, but they were all romantics at heart. If the shoe was on their foot, they knew they might have done the same. Who were they to get in the way of love?

“If you don’t mind me asking, who was it?” Haseul asked softly. 

“Unnie, I think you know,” she said, her voice low. Haseul tucked her hair behind her ear and sighed. 

“Jungeun, I’m sorry but I just don’t feel the same way about you. I love you, just not like that. I’m sorry I didn’t realise sooner. If I had maybe we could have given it a shot, but Sooyoung and I... we’re dating now and I think I actually really like her,” Haseul revealed, her eyes full of sympathy. Jungeun took one look at Haseul’s pitifully sympathetic expression and burst out laughing. 

“It’s not you, you egotistical fuck,” Jungeun screeched, laughing so hard she slapped her thigh. 

“Hey, don’t talk to your unnie like that!” Sooyoung scolded. Haseul backed away, embarrassed. 

“Sorry, unnie. It’s just, you’re like a parent figure. I don’t even see you as a sexual being. But I’m glad you’re dating that hag. Someone’s got to,” Jungeun snickered. Ignoring both Haseul and Sooyoung’s protests, Jinsoul sighed and put her arm on the younger girl’s shoulder. 

“It must be me then. I’m sorry Jungeun, but you’re like a sister to me. A year or two ago, yeah, I might have liked you back but I don’t feel comfortable dating someone who is much more into me than I am into them. Besides, I’m not attracted to you anymore,” Jinsoul apologised sweetly. 

That set Jungeun off again. 

“The worst thing about that is the implication that you used to like me!” she giggled. Jinsoul pouted and blushed. 

“And now I’m glad I don’t like you anymore,” she grumbled. 

Sooyoung’s eyes widened and she gasped, grasping onto the edge of a chair dramatically. 

“How did we not see this sooner!” she cried, “It’s so fucking obvious.” The other three bewildered girls all stared at the tall girl in surprise. “It’s Yeojin.”

“Not my poor baby!” Haseul gasped, clutching her heart. Sooyoung laughed wickedly. 

“I’m kidding. It’s Jiwoo, isn’t it?” the oldest smirked smugly, “You’ve known her for years. I bet you loved her the moment you met her. The bold, joyful lesbian to your grumpy lesbian. The Bonnibel to your Marceline.”

The youngest of the four smiled sadly and sighed, “I’m not sure I can remember what it’s like to not love her. But she doesn’t love me back and I value her friendship more than anything.”

Jinsoul frowned, “But she ate the soup...” she mumbled. The blonde grinned maniacally, “She ate the soup! She must love you if she ate the soup!”

Jungeun grimaced, “Jesus, Jinsoul-unnie. My cooking isn’t that bad.”

Sooyoung clapped her hands together as she was hit with the weight of realisation. 

“Jinsoul’s right, for once!” she announced as she rushed to the cleaning cupboard and pulled out the photocopied version of the book. 

“Gosh, Sooyoungie unnie. I didn’t know you knew where that cupboard was,” Jungeun deadpanned. 

Sooyoung ignored her and turned to the final page, slamming the sheets of paper onto the table. 

The black words were bold against the white paper. 

‘The soup will not work if the person you intend it for is already in love with you. Instead, they will also experience the side effects.’

“She loves me back,” Jungeun smiled like a love-sick fool. 

“Any one of us could have told you that, you idiot,” Haseul scolded, “Why didn’t you come to me to talk about it? It’s what I’m here for. Or you could have gone to Sooyoung, she’s a leader too.”

“It’s nice to hear you admit that,” Sooyoung muttered a little bitterly. 

Jungeun shrugged, “I didn’t want to burden you with my problems and I guess I thought that Sooyoung would just take the piss out of me or go and tell Jiwoo.”

The tall girl threw up her hands in dismay, “Why does everyone think that I don’t take things seriously? I can be serious!” 

Haseul put a calming hand on her soon-to-be girlfriend’s shoulder and smiled at Jungeun. 

“Sooyoung, it’s because you’re associated with yyxy and yyxy is a living nightmare. And Jungeun, don’t ever feel like you’re burdening me. Yes, being a leader is stressful and I would appreciate you two helping a bit more but I want you all to be happy and let me help you be happy,” Haseul said passionately. 

“Thank you, Haseul. And now that you and Sooyoung are together, we can have regular ‘complain about our chaotic girlfriends sessions’,” Jungeun said sincerely. 

Haseul and Jungeun smiled at each other and touched hands in the way that mothers with nightmare children do in a display of support and solitary and pain. 

Sooyoung just had to ruin the touching moment. 

“Hey, Jungeun. You know Jiwoo isn’t nearly as dense as she seems. Maybe you’re just not any good at putting the ‘techniques’ into practice,” she said challengingly. Jungeun frowned, rising to the challenge. 

“Take a seat, unnie. I’ll show you what I’ve learned,” she demanded. Smirking, the tall girl picked up a chair and walked out of the room. Jungeun turned to Haseul instead, who sat down gingerly. Sooyoung returned, laughing to herself, but remained standing with her arms folded, the shaking of her shoulders betrayed her amusement. 

Jungeun straddled the short haired girl, carefully placing herself into Haseul’s lap. She used her upper arms to press her cleavage together, drawing attention to it, and leant forwards. She whispered something into Haseul’s ear, took her earlobe between her teeth, grazing it roughly, then leant back, watching the girl below her and waiting for her to make a move. Haseul could feel the tips of her ears redden. 

“Help, Sooyoung, it’s working,” she squeaked. 

The tall brunette tilted her head and hummed while Jinsoul watched in amazement, and even snatched up the photocopy of the book from the table. 

“Perhaps Jiwoo is dense as fuck. Jesus, in what way is straddling friendly?” Sooyoung mused. 

And that’s when Jiwoo appeared. She popped her head around the doorway of the kitchen with a wide smile. 

“Did someone mention my- oh-“ Jiwoo cut herself off when she saw the scene in front of her and a distinct sadness clouded her eyes. It would be difficult to look at the scene before her and not get the wrong impression. 

Before her, Jungeun, the girl she was in love with, was straddling Haseul’s lap, her arms wrapped around her neck. The leader, who had no pants on, held the hips the younger girl, keeping her steady, or perhaps holding her in place. Meanwhile Sooyoung and Jinsoul watched. Was this some sort of weird leader line thing that Jinsoul had managed to get in on? If it didn’t hurt so much to see Jungeun with another woman, then Jiwoo would have wanted in on it too.

As soon as she heard Jiwoo’s voice, Jungeun whipped her head around, a guilty look on her face. She nearly fell off Haseul’s lap head first in her attempt to get away from the older girl. 

“Jiwoo, wait, its not what it looks like, I’m just trying to prove Sooyoung wrong,” she cried as she scrabbled to get close to Jiwoo. The cute girl watched in shock. Jungeun took her small hand into her own and grasped it tightly. “Listen, Jiwoo...” 

The brunette glanced at the three girls who were stood around the kitchen table. They were all giving her a big thumbs up and cheering silently. Jungeun fought the urge to roll her eyes. 

“Can I speak to you in private?”

Jiwoo nodded and the two girls wandered off to somewhere private. 

Haseul and Jinsoul cooed at the sight while Sooyoung looked on stoically like a proud father. 

The touching moment was interrupted by a loud, ear-piercing scream. Recognising the voice, the three girls ran as fast as they could to save the group’s sunshine. 

When they reached the dorm, Yerim was staring at her bed. 

“My cockroaches!” she cried, “I can’t find my cockroaches.”

Yeojin appeared out of nowhere, rubbing back of her head nervously. 

“Listen, Yerim-unnie. I don’t know how to tell you this...” she said slowly.

Yerim gasped dramatically. 

“You ate them!” she accused the tiny maknae. Yeojin cringed. 

“I. Was. A. Frog!” she shouted back loudly. 

Haseul sighed and shook her head. 

“I think I preferred it when they were animals.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haseul at the start of this fic: Sooyoung is a nightmare. 
> 
> Haseul at the end of this fic: Sooyoung is my nightmare <3<3
> 
> This chapter was honestly such a pain to write. Like, it took me about two/three weeks just to write this chapter.


	9. Prologue

It didn't take long for life at the Loona dorm to go back to usual, with a few key differences. 

Hyejoo sat playing on her console. Chaewon sat beside her and gave her a little kiss on the cheek every time she won. 

Heejin and Hyunjin were in their room bickering over nothing while Yerim worked on making up choreography and Yeojin studied, maybe. Vivi was also studying, working on her Korean and her stan twitter speak, which she now has to teach herself since Haseul had forbidden Jungeun to teach her anymore. 

In the living room, Haseul and Sooyoung were peacefully watching tv in each other’s arms while Jungeun was peacefully watching the door. 

The door opened and Jiwoo walked in. Jungeun flew off the couch and greeted her girlfriend with sweet kiss, that quickly turned into a make out session in the doorway. 

“I’m glad we’re not like that,” Sooyoung remarked, not looking at the happy couple. 

“We probably would be had we not decided to take things slow,” Haseul chuckled. Sooyoung smiled and shrugged, kissing Haseul’s cheek briefly. 

Jinsoul appeared from nowhere carrying a bag on her shoulder. She spotted the couple on the couch and called out to them,

“Hey, Yvseul. I’m going out for bit. Don’t wait up for me,” she called out joyfully. 

Haseul’s mom mode activated, “Where are you going? What are you doing? Who with?”

Jinsoul chuckled, “Relax, Haseul. I’m just meeting up with Jeon Soyeon. She’s gonna help me with my rapping.”

“Ah, is that what the kids are calling it, nowadays,” Sooyoung remarked like an old woman. The blonde chuckled shyly. Haseul grinned. 

“I hope you’ve got a toothbrush in that bag of yours. Girls don’t like girls with bad breath,” Haseul said teasingly. 

The blonde laughed, “Way ahead of you.”

With that she took off, manoeuvring around the kissing couple in the doorway. 

“Bye!” “Have fun!” “Stay safe!” “Use a condom!” “Don’t forget consent!” “Consent is sexy!” “Don’t get impregnated by her tongue!” 

Sooyoung and Haseul shouted words of advise at the blonde until they could no longer see her. 

“You know what,” said Sooyoung, “We’d be great parents.”

Haseul laughed, “We’ve only been dating for like three days.”

Sooyoung blushed a little and grinned. 

The two settled, talking amongst themselves, basking in the chaos of the dorm. 

“Unnie! Yeojin turned herself into a frog again!”

“Fuck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that marks the end of this fic. I hope you enjoyed it because I enjoyed writing it, even though it did take forever to write. 
> 
> Please feel free to leave feedback, I like to hear from people.


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